It's maghrib already. still sthinking. Lots of things bumped into my mind, needing urgency of attention. Yes, its not a massive issue that if I skip it out I can't live. But, its far above a regular daily need basis. Its the "Iman/faith" issue. 

I often think of what if, later, few days later that I wake up on a sunny-shiny morning and forget everything about my purposes of life?
What if I can't tell the truth the next day just like I am saying it today? 
What if Allah confiscate my faith due to my wrongdoings?
What if it happen not days after, but in few minutes more?

Nau'zubillah.

Forgetting all those comfy facilities and hospitality that Allah had provided is really me. 
The more space Allah prepare for me to get back to Him, the more I run. 
Do I deserve all these goodness? 
Am I fit enough to be grateful? 

Oh Allah...
" The Turner of the hearts,
make my heart firm upon your religion"

Allahumma ya Muqalib al Quloob thabbit qalbi 'alaa deenik

ya Allah,
let my every breath be with your Name,
let every moves I take,
be the sweats,
or energy,
dying trying to fix myself 
just for You.